I've been thinking a
lot about body image lately...lately as in the last year or two.
These thoughts have been stewing for awhile and I've debated sharing
them, but I feel like I should. When we talk about ourselves and our
bodies, our kids are listening. They are learning and taking cues
about people and how to treat them and how to talk to them and what
to talk to them about... I feel like if we talk about our bodies so
much—too often in a negative way, unfortunately--and that's so much
of what our kids hear, no wonder there is a problem with boys growing
up to be men who see women for only or mostly their bodies. And no
wonder there is a problem with girls growing up to be women who see
themselves for only or mostly their bodies.
I think it's okay to
want to improve. I think we SHOULD be trying to be our healthiest,
best selves. But there's a healthy, moderate way to do that, and a
positive way to convey that, especially to our children. (I am in no way claiming to be perfect at this...I am still working on it too, so hopefully this doesn't offend anyone, haha).
When our kids ask,
“Why are you exercising?” we can say matter-of-factly, “To help
me be healthy and strong.”
When our kids ask us
about our food choices, we can have an attitude of moderation, and
explain that we try to eat good foods to keep us healthy and strong.
Of course we all have treats, but not all the time.
When our kids tell
us, “You're beautiful, Mom!” or “You look beautiful today!”
we can smile and thank them, genuinely. We can tell them, often,
that they are beautiful.
When we're pregnant
and our kids pat our expanding bellies and say excitedly, “It's
getting bigger! Soon it will be up here!” we can get excited with
them, and talk about the growing life inside of us.
We can discuss how
to talk about other people's bodies...(we're still trying to figure
this one out ourselves). (How do I explain that using the word “fat”
to describe someone is not polite, but also explain WHY? How do I
explain this without implying that being “fat” is “bad,”
because most people do not want to be called “fat?”)
When our children
ask a question or make a comment about the human body we can answer
matter-of-factly and not make a big deal out of it, so as not to
imply that our bodies are shameful. (My own daughter has declared on
multiple occasions, “He's a boy. He has a penis.” And I say,
“Yes, you're right. He does.” (We're still working on
appropriate times and places to discuss body parts :). )
We can avoid
comparing our body to others and avoid talking about how we wish this
was bigger or that was smaller. We can avoid talking about others
bodies (or minds for that matter), in an unkind or demeaning or
negative way. We can focus on the PERSON, not their BODY---and this
includes OURSELVES.
We can talk to our
children about being a person! We talk about making good choices.
We talk about being strong, mentally, physically, morally. We can
let our sons and daughters both play with cars and trucks and
dinosaurs and trains and tools if they want, and we can let them play
dress up and play with dolls and dance and have tea parties if they
want.
When our kids ask
why we get dressed, or dress up sometimes, or wear make-up, or
certain clothes on some occasions, we can explain, “Our bodies are
temples. Trying to look our best shows our Heavenly Father that we
respect our bodies as gifts from Him.”
We can talk to our
kids in plain and practical terms about the nature of sex, including
the essentialness and beauty and sacredness of it. We can help them
own their feelings and their hormones and learn to understand them,
and therefore understand the power they have--this amazing power of
procreation. We can teach them to be confident in their ability to
harness that procreative power, to use it appropriately--within
marriage. They are not slaves to this power. We can teach them that
they are more than just that power. It is a part of them, a
beautiful, essential part of them that they should own and not be
ashamed of, but it is not who they are. It is a glorious, divine
PART of who they are.
Most importantly, we
can make sure that our children KNOW that they are—and we are—and
we ALL are—children of God. This does not change. It is a
constant, a fact, a truth, regardless of choices or failings or size
or shape or social standing or even our own view of ourselves. Our
kids are children of God. We ALL are children of God.
I feel like when we
know this, when we remember this, and as long as our children know
this--even if we fail in all other endeavors as parents—it makes a
huge difference. We view ourselves and everyone else with LOVE.
We can teach our
kids to love and feel loved and love themselves and love others and
be in loving relationships and have a mutual love and respect with
their spouses when that time comes.
So friends, men and
women alike, let's be kinder and
healthier to ourselves. Let's speak kinder of ourselves and of
others. Our children are listening to us. Let's remember who we
are, because when we do, then our children will too.
