On Body Image

I've been thinking a lot about body image lately...lately as in the last year or two. These thoughts have been stewing for awhile and I've debated sharing them, but I feel like I should. When we talk about ourselves and our bodies, our kids are listening. They are learning and taking cues about people and how to treat them and how to talk to them and what to talk to them about... I feel like if we talk about our bodies so much—too often in a negative way, unfortunately--and that's so much of what our kids hear, no wonder there is a problem with boys growing up to be men who see women for only or mostly their bodies. And no wonder there is a problem with girls growing up to be women who see themselves for only or mostly their bodies.

I think it's okay to want to improve. I think we SHOULD be trying to be our healthiest, best selves. But there's a healthy, moderate way to do that, and a positive way to convey that, especially to our children.  (I am in no way claiming to be perfect at this...I am still working on it too, so hopefully this doesn't offend anyone, haha).  

When our kids ask, “Why are you exercising?” we can say matter-of-factly, “To help me be healthy and strong.”

When our kids ask us about our food choices, we can have an attitude of moderation, and explain that we try to eat good foods to keep us healthy and strong. Of course we all have treats, but not all the time.

When our kids tell us, “You're beautiful, Mom!” or “You look beautiful today!” we can smile and thank them, genuinely. We can tell them, often, that they are beautiful.

When we're pregnant and our kids pat our expanding bellies and say excitedly, “It's getting bigger! Soon it will be up here!” we can get excited with them, and talk about the growing life inside of us.

We can discuss how to talk about other people's bodies...(we're still trying to figure this one out ourselves). (How do I explain that using the word “fat” to describe someone is not polite, but also explain WHY? How do I explain this without implying that being “fat” is “bad,” because most people do not want to be called “fat?”)

When our children ask a question or make a comment about the human body we can answer matter-of-factly and not make a big deal out of it, so as not to imply that our bodies are shameful. (My own daughter has declared on multiple occasions, “He's a boy. He has a penis.” And I say, “Yes, you're right. He does.” (We're still working on appropriate times and places to discuss body parts :). )

We can avoid comparing our body to others and avoid talking about how we wish this was bigger or that was smaller. We can avoid talking about others bodies (or minds for that matter), in an unkind or demeaning or negative way. We can focus on the PERSON, not their BODY---and this includes OURSELVES.

We can talk to our children about being a person! We talk about making good choices. We talk about being strong, mentally, physically, morally. We can let our sons and daughters both play with cars and trucks and dinosaurs and trains and tools if they want, and we can let them play dress up and play with dolls and dance and have tea parties if they want.

When our kids ask why we get dressed, or dress up sometimes, or wear make-up, or certain clothes on some occasions, we can explain, “Our bodies are temples. Trying to look our best shows our Heavenly Father that we respect our bodies as gifts from Him.”

We can talk to our kids in plain and practical terms about the nature of sex, including the essentialness and beauty and sacredness of it. We can help them own their feelings and their hormones and learn to understand them, and therefore understand the power they have--this amazing power of procreation. We can teach them to be confident in their ability to harness that procreative power, to use it appropriately--within marriage. They are not slaves to this power. We can teach them that they are more than just that power. It is a part of them, a beautiful, essential part of them that they should own and not be ashamed of, but it is not who they are. It is a glorious, divine PART of who they are.

Most importantly, we can make sure that our children KNOW that they are—and we are—and we ALL are—children of God. This does not change. It is a constant, a fact, a truth, regardless of choices or failings or size or shape or social standing or even our own view of ourselves. Our kids are children of God. We ALL are children of God.

I feel like when we know this, when we remember this, and as long as our children know this--even if we fail in all other endeavors as parents—it makes a huge difference. We view ourselves and everyone else with LOVE.

We can teach our kids to love and feel loved and love themselves and love others and be in loving relationships and have a mutual love and respect with their spouses when that time comes.

So friends, men and women alike, let's be kinder and healthier to ourselves. Let's speak kinder of ourselves and of others. Our children are listening to us. Let's remember who we are, because when we do, then our children will too.